


Soap on a Rope

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [51]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam is a meanie, And sex with Dean in the shower with the bee soap, Angels PMS like crazy, But Dean is the gayest, Cas likes bees, Cliche, Dropping the Soap, Everyone Is Gay, Gay Dean, Lucifer wants buttsex, M/M, Michael is a bad actor, Michael is cute, Multi, Sam and Adam are not impressed, Sam regrets his life choices, Then He Finds Jesus, and Dean, and sex, jesus the penis, michael is whipped, oh no, really gay, so does Michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 03:23:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2093841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer drops the soap, the world ends, no one is impressed, Adam buys everyone soap-on-a-rope to prevent surprise butt-sex, Cas *needs* Dean to look at the bees, Michael is whipped, Gabriel is clever, Sam regrets his life choices but it's okay because he still has Jesus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soap on a Rope

**Author's Note:**

> They actually make dildo soap (NSFW, because obviously): http://soaponarope.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=noveltysoap&Product_Code=7030&Category_Code=C
> 
> Warning: Very slight homophobic language.

“Oh, no!” Lucifer gasps dramatically and looks down at the shower floor through teary eyes. “I dropped the soap!” He all but sobs.

 

Sam raises on elegant eyebrow at his mate. “So pick it up,” he says in his most patient how-stupid-can-you-possibly-be tone.

 

Lucifer lays one hand over his heart and turns his back on Sam. “I accept my fate,” he wails as he slowly bends over.

 

Sam turns to Gabriel. “Do angels PMS?”

 

Gabriel nods gravely. “You have no idea. If we don’t get enough blowjobs during ‘our time of the month,’ we grow fangs. And if we don’t get hand-fed chocolate at least three times a day, we turn into angsty werewolves.”

 

Sam snorts. “Uh-huh.”

 

Lucifer starts to wiggle his butt.

 

“What are you doing?” Sam asks.

 

“I’m accepting my destiny!”

 

“And your destiny is to moon us in the shower?”

 

Lucifer whines. “I know what happens to people who drop the soap in the shower! Everyone knows what happens to people who drop the soap in the shower!”

 

Sam purses his lips. “Keep dreaming, Luce.” He gives his mate a slap on the butt for good measure and laughs when Lucifer lets out an undignified yelp.

 

Meanwhile:

 

Michael throws his head back and wails. Normally, Adam would be alarmed at such a gesture but it just so happened that Michael wouldn’t know subtlety if it fell to his knees and starting sucking his dick, so he’s really not that impressed.

 

“I dropped the soap!” Michael cries.

 

Adam rolls his eyes. “Pick it up, dumbass. And no, you’re not getting shower sex today so you can forget about that.”

 

Later:

 

Adam drops a package of several dozen soap-on-a-rope’s on the kitchen table. “There. This way, our precious lovers won’t have to worry about their virtue in the shower.”

 

Dean shakes his head. “I’m not using soap on a rope.”

 

Cas whines. “Why not? They’re so cool, Dean! And look, this one has little bees on it! Look at the bees, Dean!”

 

“That’s so gay,” Dean pouts.

 

Adam crosses his arms. “You have more butt sex every day than an average male hooker has in a week. You’re more whipped than Michael, and trust me when I say Michael is pretty fucking whipped.”

 

“I’m not whipped,” Michael whines.

 

“Shut up,” Adam and Lucifer say in unison. Michael starts to pout and gives them a contrite look.

 

Castiel pokes Dean’s cheek. “Can we use the bee soap, Dean?” He begs.

 

Dean gives up with a sigh. “Yes, Cas, we can use the bee soap if it’s _that_ important to you.”

 

Castiel leans over the arm of the sofa to whisper something in his ear. Dean goes violently red and wordlessly follows Cas out of the room with both hands hovering conspicuously over his crotch.

 

Lucifer whines. “No fair! Why does Cas always get lucky but not us?”

 

Adam scoffs. “Cas knows how to treat his mate, unlike _certain_ archangels.”

 

Michael’s lip quivers. “But, Adam...”

 

Adam deflates. “Oh, all right. You’re lucky you’re cute. Now let’s go have sex.”

 

“Yay!” Michael says as he bounds out of the room, dragging Adam with him.

 

An uncomfortable silence descends upon the room in their absence. Then Gabriel shoots up. “I just remembered something!”

 

“What?” Lucifer asks petulantly.

 

Gabriel grins. “We’re bonded. If we want sex, we can just have it with each other.”

 

A smile spreads across Lucifer’s face. “You’re brilliant, little brother.”

 

They skip out of the room hand in hand, leaving Sam to regret his life-choices. He picks up a soap-on-a-rope. “At least Adam left me this soap dildo.”


End file.
